As was true-to-form for Chum Chandler, people are scratching their heads … itching to know where time went and why it must inevitably take someone like him away.
Mourned in a celebration of his life on Saturday, Chum Chandler, an iconic, lifelong Fair Havenite and 64-year fireman, was remembered as tall order of head-scratching, suspender-donning, side-splitting tough wrapped in a tender life embrace.
He called people by the wrong names just to mess with them. He loved to sneak in some sweets. His tell-it-like-it-is sayings spared no one. He was lovingly stingy with his show of emotion. He adorned his family and friends with a lot of anecdotal stories and strength. His eyes twinkled with mischief. He had no pretense.
He was, yes, a Fair Haven character — a big chunk of community foundation.
His family and friends told his story on Saturday at the Fair Haven firehouse — a place where Chum spent many years. But everyone knew him already.
They knew that guy. They knew his story. That’s because he was the kind of stuff Fair Haven is made of — a World War II U.S. Navy veteran, husband, father, brother, friend, neighbor, volunteer and just an unassuming, hard-working man trying to do the right thing, enjoy life to the fullest and pay it forward.
And, by all accounts, he did just that.
“It’s not what you take with you when you leave this world, it’s what you leave behind when you go,” his memorial card read. “You left behind more than you could ever imagine …”
The family and friends of Chum still tried to account for it all, but what he left behind was more than they could possibly summon in a day’s worth of remembrance. Still, they made it through with enough Chum snippets and sound bites to celebrate him.
They talked about his ornery humor. It made them laugh between the tears. There was nothing blurred about their vision of Chum, though.
Daughter Lizzie scratched her head in imitation of her dad and his infernal noggin itch as, inevitably, some nugget of humor, wisdom or “one-of-a-kind” advice would drop out of his mouth like a candy in a Pez dispenser.
Carol, forever teased for talking too much, grappled to find the right words — words that she wished would prompt a familiar “Go pound salt!” from dad above.
He had lived with her for the past four years, she said. Fetching him some tea, feeding him something that his stomach wanted and just looking in on him to see if he was comfortably resting at bedtime was what she had grown accustomed to doing — “caring and worrying about you every day, even though you were independent,” like a parent.
The roles had reversed. And, she said, the nurturing became treasured time.
Grandson Michael (Chandler) West was grateful for having had a grandfather like Chum, with a special brand of gusto that caused him to insist that his girlfriend Dana’s name was Donna, because, when corrected, “Dana, Donna … same thing,” was the only answer he got. Until Dana turned the tables on him.
And, Michael said, Pop-Pop turned out to be one of the funniest people Dana ever met.
“Turn that s**t down!” he imitated, remembering Pop-Pop knocking on his brother Chandler’s wall when the video games started to sound like bad, newfangled rock music to him.
Ever so lively, Michael said he wasn’t used to seeing his grandfather so calm.
Before he died, he was sleeping. It was quiet and dark. Michael just wanted to spend some time with his grandfather, “even if you weren’t awake.
“But what did I see? As I turned around the corner and entered the dark room with the lights turned off, I see something I haven’t seen for a few weeks now. I see this white flash moving back and forth. It’s none other than you scratching that ‘damn itch’ on your damn head that you ‘almost damn near got’ for the past five or six years!”
He got it. His family got it. His friends got it. The community got it. There’s no more head-scratching for Warren “Chum” Chandler.
The 89-year-old father to seven, grandfather to 15 and great-grandpa to three, with one one the way, was laid to rest on Monday at B.G. William Doyle Veterans Cemetery, Arneytown, N.J.
But those he left behind will keep itching to fulfill a legacy like his.
The marquee on the Fair Haven firehouse is once again bearing some sad news.
Yet another member of the deep-rooted fire department kin has passed. Longtime Fair Havenites know the borough-anchored family. They knew the family’s departed patriarch and fondly remember his tall stature topped by a grand zest for life and love of all things family and community — it was all synonymous for the man people knew as Chum Chandler.
Chum, a lifelong Fair Haven resident and 65-year member of its fire company, died at 89 on March 8, leaving behind a compassionate life lived to the fullest, his family said in his obituary.
There will be a service/visitation for Chum Chandler on Friday from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. at Thompson Memorial Home, 310 Broad St., Red Bank. There will be a fire department tribute at 7:30.
And on Saturday there will be a celebration, as his family put it in his obituary, of his life at the Fair Haven firehouse, on River Road, from 1 to 5 p.m.
Warren “Chum” Chandler will be buried in the Brig. Gen. Wm. C. Doyle Veterans Cemetery in Arneytown, NJ.
Chum Chandler served his country proudly during WWII in the US Navy, South Pacific.
The owner of Chandler Septic Tank Service, Chum was a 65-year member of the Fair Haven Fire Department.
He loved to hunt, fish and crab and was a founding member of The Sea Bright Rod and Gun Club. He loved all sports and participated in the Rumson Veterans Football, the Willow Brook Golf Club, and numerous baseball teams and bowling leagues.
Chum as a loyal fan of the N.Y. Mets and Giants. He “lived a full life whose fun-loving personality will live on forever!”
Chum was predeceased by his wife Elizabeth “Betty” (Long).
He is survived by: sons Warren (Stephanie), George (Judi), Richard (Lisa), Peter (Natasha); daughters Elizabeth (Dan), Carol (Mike), Deborah (Dan); 15 grandchildren, 3 great-grandchildren; and special friend, Joan Fowler.
In lieu of flowers, please consider donations to the Fair Haven Fire Department, 635 River Rd., Fair Haven, NJ 07704.
Many have good memories of Chum Chandler. Please share your memories with us as we prepare a full memorial tribute. Email anything you’d like to share to [email protected]
Slideshow photos by George Day and from RFH yearbooks, compiled by Elaine Van Develde
The news of former Rumson-Fair Haven Regional High School (RFH) coach, gym teacher, Ski Club director, RFH Athletic and Jersey Shore Sports Hall of Fame inductee Hal Lorme hit the community with a wave of sadness.
While Lorme died on Feb. 15 at his assisted living home in Myrtle Beach, SC, his obituary was only recently released by Thompson Memorial Home with the pending remembrance service for the coach originally slated for Thursday, but now scheduled for Sunday from 3 to 5 p.m. at Thompson, with a prayer service at 4:30.
When longtime Fair Havenite, RFH grad and Rumson police officer Bryan Dougherty posted the news on the Fair Haven Facebook page on Tuesday, the post was flooded with warm memories shared of the coach.
“RIP Coach,” Dougherty said. “If I know you, you are surely looking for Yankees spring training game somewhere up there in heaven.”
“He was a great guy,” said RFH grad Doug Borden. “I went on lots of ski trips that he put together. RIP.”
“Ohh this is so sad to hear! What an icon he was at RFH,” Susan Kaltenborn Marino said.
“Thanks for all you did. RIP,” said Steve Howie.
“Loved his sense of humor. RIP coach,” said Jack Kavanagh.
And the list of accolades and love for the RFH icon goes on …
The following is Coach Lorme’s obituary from Thompson Memorial Home:
Harold A. Lorme “Hal”, 82, formerly of Oakhurst, passed away Sunday, Feb. 15, 2015, at Reflections Assisted Living in Myrtle Beach, SC.
Hal was born in Jersey City on Nov. 23,1932, a son of the late Harold and Margaret Lorme. He was predeceased by his brother-in-law, Patrick Murray.
Hal attended Snyder High School in Jersey City and went on to graduate from Montclair State College. Hal served in the U.S. Army in Korea, rising to the rank of Sergeant. He was a Physical Education teacher at Rumson Fair Haven Regional High School for 31 years.
He coached Varsity Wrestling for six years and Varsity Baseball at RFH for 25 years. Hal was extremely proud to have won 324 baseball games during his coaching career at RFH and to have the baseball field at RFH High School named in his honor.
He was inducted into the RFH Athletic Hall of Fame in 1986 and inducted into the Jersey Shore Sports Hall of Fame in 2006. Hal enjoyed directing the RFH High School Ski Club for 12 seasons.
During the summers, he worked as a cashier at Monmouth Park Race Track in Oceanport, NJ. He was a communicant of St Andrew Roman Catholic Church in Myrtle Beach.
Hal was a die-hard NY Yankees fan, enjoyed many trips to the Bronx during the summer and trips to Florida during Spring Training. His passions were collecting baseball memorabilia including many Yankee items, officiating High School football games in the shore area, playing softball and enjoying a round of golf.
His greatest enjoyment was spending time with his grandchildren especially watching them play sports.
Hal is survived by: his wife of 62 years, Joan Lorme; son, Hal J. Lorme and his wife Tracy, their children, Ryan, Meghan and Matthew, all of Long Branch; daughter, Jacquie Lorme and her son Raymond of Fargo, ND; sister, Doris Murray of Lincroft, and nieces, Lynn, Cathy, Cheryl, Colleen and nephew, Patrick.
A special thank you to Hal’s niece, Colleen and husband, David O’Hagen, who have been such a big help to Hal and Joan over the last few years.
Fair Haven has lost a woman who many have referred to as a treasure of an environmentalist, neighbor and friend whom will be memorialized on Saturday.
A memorial service for longtime, well-known and liked Fair Havenite Barbara Bennett, who passed away after a brief illness on Jan. 24, will be held at Thompson Memorial Home, Red Bank, from 3 to 5 p.m. on Jan. 31.
Barbara, who was predeceased by husband Derry Bennett, the former head of the American Littoral Society, was known as an avid environmentalist and Clean Ocean Action volunteer. She is also remembered fondly as a birder, gardener, painter of nature, reader, New York Times crossword puzzle , cook and jam-maker extraordonnaire, movie watcher, theatergoer, social worker, friend, neighbor, mom and grandma.
The Bennetts’ front lawn, uniquely flush with colorful perennials, sans the standard grass, was always a view this editor thoroughly enjoyed. In fact, many times a drive to Red Bank involved taking a detour past it just to brighten up the day. It always did the trick. Thanks for that!
” … our neighborhood and the Fair Haven community lost a feisty, energetic and profoundly caring woman,” Barbara and Derry’s neighbor Katy Badt Frissora said in a Facebook post the the Fair Haven page. “RIP Barbara Bennett.”
Born in Philadelphia, PA, in 1935, Barbara graduated from the Shipley School and attended the University of Pennsylvania and then went on to get her bachelor’s degree in English Literature and MSW from Rutgers University, her obituary said.
She married Derry, Derickson W. Bennett, in 1958. The couple had two children, Melanie and Rebecca, who they raised in upstate New York and in Fair Haven.
Barbara “worked as a dialysis social worker at Monmouth Medical Center in the early 1980s and volunteered with at-risk youth in a literacy program in the late 1980s.
She, in later years, became “a tireless volunteer with Clean Ocean Action and spent many years coordinating the annual Beach Sweeps events and editing the newsletter. She also was involved with the stewardship of Fair Haven Fields and volunteered with the Two River Theater,” her obituary said.
“One of her greatest joys was her beloved dog Jersey Girl. Barbara was a terrific cook and put up many a jar of Beach Plum and Spicy Peach jam to our delight.”
Barbara survived by: daughters Melanie Bennett, of Olympia, WA, and Rebecca Bennett, of Seattle, WA, and grandchildren Eric, Adrienne, and Galen.
In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Clean Ocean Action, P.O. Box 505, Highlands, NJ 07732, the American Littoral Society, 18 Hartshorne Drive, Suite #1, Highlands, NJ 07732, and Lunch Break, P.O. Box 2215, Red Bank, NJ 07701.
Former longtime Rumson resident Jeffrey David Buckley, 55, of Rutledge, PA, passed away at his home on Tuesday, Jan. 20, of complications from the flu.
Born in Teaneck, he grew up in Rumson, moved to Rye, NY, and Dorset, VT, before finally moving to Rutledge.
A 1977 graduate of Rumson-Fair Haven Regional High School, he attended Saint Lawrence University and began his career at Kidder Peabody, moving onto Salomon Brothers and UBS as an equity block trader.
After a successful 20 year career on Wall Street, he shifted his focus to an alternative passion as a gardener at Sisters of Saint Francis of Philadelphia’s Our Lady of Angels Convent.
He was a member of Monmouth Beach Bath and Tennis Club and served as Vice Commodore of Rumson Country Club where he helped revive the youth sailing program.
Jeff was predeceased by his brother, Matthew Buckley.
He is survived by: his fiancée, Angela Kidder; his parents, David and Mary Buckley; his brother, Jonathan Buckley; sister, Katherine and husband Mark Hughes, and sister Sarah and husband Joe Richter; his children, Jeffrey David Jr. and wife Mary Pat, Grace, Peter, and Henry; and their mother Sara Henderson Buckley.
“Above all, Jeff sought an authentic life. He was charismatic, intelligent, and always curious,” his obituary from Thompson Memorial Home said. “A life-long intellect, he could recite a Wall Street stock symbol as quickly as he could identify a species of tree. He was a kind, gentle, and humble man.
“He often found solace on his sailboat on the Navesink River or hiking mountains in Vermont, but more than anything he loved spending time with his children. He had a boundless love for his family, and his contagious passion for life will be sorely missed.”
Visitation will take place from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. on Friday Jan. 23 at Thompson Memorial Home, 310 Broad Street, Red Bank.
A funeral mass will follow at noon on Saturday, Jan. 24 at the Church of the Nativity, 180 Ridge Road, Fair Haven.
In lieu of flowers, memorial contributions may be made to an educational fund for Jeff’s children. Please direct contributions to the Buckley Family Education Fund, P.O. Box 8097, Red Bank, NJ.
The year 2014 was one of much loss — an unraveling of what people in the area had grown accustomed to as a tightly woven, familiarly comforting fabric of the community.
There was a lot of death — death of people whose faces and contributions Rumson-Fair Haven area people had grown accustomed to as part of their lives in one way or another.
We said it in the first part of our tribute and it bears repeating:
Well, it’s not over for them or us. These people, in one way or another, contributed to life in the area and were part of our lives.
We honor them with a photo and a token of remembrance.
Take the journey with us, one more time …
Ian Carpenter, 44, RFH Class of 1988, soccer player, drummer, advocate for ALS/Lou Gehrig’s disease research, Feb. 22, 2014
Ian, an RFH grad who had relocated to Salt Lake City, Utah, died on Feb. 22, a victim of ALS.
Known as a craftsman and carpenter, Ian, who lived most of his life in Fair Haven, built his own home and was known as a family man who loved coaching his son in soccer and baseball. He left behind a wife, Lindsay, son Winston and daughters Clara and Mary.
Ian, himself, was a varsity soccer player at RFH and a “talented drummer,” said his sister, Angela.
“So many of our high school friends came together for them in the end … it meant the world to him to have his hometown family help so much,” she said in an email.
Rest in peace, Ian Carpenter.
Jack Croft, 84, 64-year Fair Haven resident, 35-year Fair Haven Fire Department member, Sept. 7, 2014
This is a special one for this editor, in the interest of full disclosure.
Jack Croft has been sending me notes of appreciation for my writing dating back to roughly the year 2000 — probably earlier.
A family friend and neighbor, he always made a point of reading my stories and commenting privately via a personal, hand-written note and/or email.
As a journalist who is, as all of us are, accustomed to many queries critiques, and sometimes selfish pleas for one-sided agenda promotion, it was always such a pleasure to wake up to an email or note in the mail from Jack concerning any current issue about which I happened to be writing.
He always ended his notes reminding me that my parents would be proud. Now, that’s the kind of pay-it-forward, random contribution to the community that trumps a high-ticket social event any day. His effect in this and many other small gestures, was enduring and selfless.
A modest, true gentleman, who was often seen walking about town hand-in-hand with wife Jane, it was always not only heartwarming, but encouraging to read his opinion.
He did not gush. He was not ever after a special favor. He just felt it his duty to let a female journalist he knew as a child and neighbor that he appreciated her work. He was always constructive and supportive. And, yes, the gesture was so greatly appreciated.
It meant more than I can say, actually. We, in this thankless business, cover the news because we feel it’s our responsibility. And it is. Though, sometimes, people can be heavily imbalanced in opinion — merciless. He, thankfully, felt it was his responsibility to appreciate the work with a healthy balance. And that went both ways.
Thank you, Jack Croft, for the many moments you took out of your day to show gratitude and brighten this editor’s day. Now it’s our turn.
We so vividly remember you. You and your undying love for your wife, Jane, always affected not only this editor, but all who saw you about town.
Your sincerity, love of community and family will not be forgotten. Oh, and the notes have been saved. One is still on the fridge.
Rest in peace, Jack Croft.
Keith D. Smith, 41, of Rumson, manager of Val’s Tavern in Rumson, May 6, 2014
Kieth, a longtime Rumson resident, died on May 6.
Many had grown accustomed to his face at Val’s. He is missed.
Ida Twist, 90, longtime Fair Havenite and Fair Haven Firemen’s Fair volunteer, Jan. 1, 2014
All you had to do was spend any time at the Fair Haven Firemen’s Fair and you’d recognize Ida.
For the past couple of decades she was at the Grab Bag Booth as what people have come to know as one of the “balloon ladies,” cheerfully getting those balloons to kids and putting smiles on their faces with some homestyle chatting.
If you didn’t see Ida at the fair, then you probably saw her at an event or parade — and she really loved parades — or with the Fair Haven Seniors group. She also helped her grandson, Charlie, start his lawn business.
She loved and was dedicated to community and family.
She looked like “That Girl,” Marlo Thomas, in her younger years — wide-eyed, sage grin with shiny black hair in a “flip” with bangs. And she had the bright disposition to go with the persona.
She was good friends with this editor’s mom and we spent much family time together. There was always a belly-ache of a laugh somewhere in there through the years.
In that time, her contagious laughter infected anyone whose path she crossed. Mom to sons John, Jim and Tom, and many grandchildren, she embodied sincerity and love of life and community. Her legacy is evident in her children.
Mary just had a way about her, as the Billy Joel song goes. She was always approachable, always smiling. Her laugh and smile are things that will always be remembered by those whose lives she touched.
Rest in peace, Mary Kirman.
Milton Edelman, 93, former Fair Havenite and Zoning Board member, April 27, 2014
Milton was known as an interesting, witty longtime Fair Havenite who relocated to League City, Texas, and passed away at 93 on April 27, 2014.
Born in Brooklyn, NY, Milton Edelman and family moved to Fair Haven in 1962. There, the family settled in and he served on the Zoning Board for quite a few years. He was known to offer many anecdotes and sage advice, according to an obituary written by his son Marc.
He was a lawyer with the firm Wilson, Elser, Moskowitz, Edelman and Dicker, which was recognized by the National Law Journal as one of the top 50 firms nationwide. He retired from the firm in 1998.
After relocating to two homes in Vermont and Texas, Milton continued to serve on the local zoning board in Vermont.
Before he died, Milton worked with son Marc at an information technology services firm in Texas — PC and Cable.
He leaves behind his children, Eric, Marc and Alexandra, all RFH grads, and his wife, Frederica.
Rest in peace, Milton.
Dr. Peter Sheehan, 60, renowned diabetes doctor, son of Dr. George Sheehan, May 2014
A Rumson native, Peter Sheehan was one of 12 of Dr. George Sheehan’s children. Dr. George Sheehan, who is deceased, was and is still known as a well-recognized author and runner who raised his family in Rumson.
Peter did groundbreaking work in the study and treatment of diabetes in his lifetime.
Oh, Mrs. Dexter. She was a beautiful woman, with a sharp edge, who died at 84 on Jan 10, 2014.
Mrs. Dexter, a mom of four, was a Catherine Gibbs Secretarial School graduate who married Howard Dexter in 1950.
After having served as a Rumson-Fair Haven Regional High School (RFH) aide for a stint in the 1970s, she retired from AT&T in 2000.
Mrs. Dexter was known to many an RFH student as a troubadour of monitoring many hallway hijinks and incidents of library lunacy spearheaded by many good, yet antsy and mischievous students.
Thanks for rolling with us and doling out those myriad reprimands and fun times at RFH, Mrs. Dexter.
Rest in peace.
Karen Harrington Bovenzi, 54, 1978 RFH grad, formerly of Rumson, June 26, 2014
Karen passed away at Newark Beth Israel Hospital after a heart transplant.
Comments flooded the RFH Reunion Facebook page upon Karen’s death. “It’s with great sadness that I tell you that Karen Harrington Bovenzi passed away this afternoon after a very long and courageous battle with a heart transplant and many side effects and issues,” said her good friend Rita Marass Kellegher.
Rest in peace, Karen.
Henry Leon “Sike” Reevey, 85, of Fair Haven, Oct. 20, 2014
Born in Fair Haven in 1929, Henry, known as Sike, was a staple in Fair Haven life.
The senior Reevey is one of many in town who contributed to the town’s homegrown culture.
There are many Reeveys out there to this day. Sike, himself, was born on Sept. 24, 1929, and was a U.S. Army vet of the Korean War, according to his obituary on legacy.com.
“As a member of the Fair Haven Reevey’s (stet), I would like to say Thank You for all the kind words extended to us in the passing of my Uncle Sike. Please keep us in your hearts and prayers especially Aunt Sonia and all his children. He loved all deeply and equally,” his relative said on the Fair Haven Facebook page.
He was, sadly, predeceased by his son Aaron, a 1978 RFH graduate, as well as his parents, Shockely and Margaret Ensley Reevey; and brothers and sisters, James, Dorothy, Stanley, Theodore, Rose Jackson, Lawrence and Frank Reevey.
He is survived by: his wife, Sonia; three children, Henry, Jr., of Freehold, Dwayne, Sr., of Fair Haven, and Stephanie Hurt, of Lawrenceville, GA; one sister, Shirley, of Tinton Falls; 11 grandchildren and seven great grandchildren.
Sike was known to emanate a true love of his hometown community and everyone in his family has been known to carry on his legacy of loyalty to and love of Fair Haven.
Rest in peace, Mr. Sike Reevey.
Arlene Albano, 62, former RFH Math teacher, Aug. 22, 2014
Arlene Albano, who died of breast cancer, was a well-liked Math teacher and advisor of the RFH Twirling Squad. She had many fans.
A graduate of Shore Regional High School and Montclair State College, she, after her teaching career at RFH, became a software developer of nuclear power plant simulation at Electronics Associates, Inc. (EAI), West Long Branch.
This editor had Arlene Albano for Math and found her to be a great teacher with a lot of patience and a pleasant personality.
Carol Nagle Skinner, an RFH twirler, said on the RFH Class of ’78 Facebook page: “Some of her twirlers were able to see her last week to say goodbye. She fought cancer for way too long but never complained. I don’t know how she put up with us in high school! She is finally at Peace.”
Rest in peace, Miss Albano.
Madeline Robbins, 92, longtime Fair Haven resident, longtime member of the Fair Haven Fire Department’s Ladies’ Auxiliary, Oct. 6, 2014
Madeline Robbins was known as a fun-loving woman with a glowing smile and great heart for her community — Fair Haven.
She served on the Fair Haven Election Board and as Fair Haven’s assistant borough clerk.
As daughter Kathy recalls, she “was always ironing the alter linens for Church of the Nativity.”
This editor remembers Madeline as a family friend with whom Fair Haven families went camping.
She, her husband Al, kids and other families made an annual trek to Pennsylvania Dutch country to camp for many an outing on Memorial Day in the 1970s.
She was always laughing, singing a verse or two of “This Land is Your Land” and joking around the campfire.
Anyone would recognize that bright smile anywhere. Thanks for all the fun, sincere and spirited memories.
Rest in peace, Madeline.
Joseph Lincoln Davidson III, 63, ex-chief of Rumson Fire Department, February of 2014
Born in Reading, PA, Joseph was a lifetime member and ex-chief of the Rumson Fire Department and past president and member of Rumson First Aid.
An avid boater, he was a member of the Coast Guard Auxiliary and loved fishing.
He leaves behind his wife, Regina, of 42 years, sons Christopher and Steven, and daughter Jennifer and grandchildren.
Thank you for your service. Rest in peace, Joseph.
Marylyn J. Scott, former Fair Haven teacher, July 20, 2014
Marylyn Scott was an elementary school teacher in Fair Haven for decades, from the early 1960s to 1990, when she retired.
Many remember Marylyn for her kind nature and conscientiousness as an educator.
Her obituary, spearheaded by family, asked that she be remembered as not only a teacher, but a mother, friend and neighbor. She was all of those things.
Thank you for your dedication to the children of Fair Haven.
Rest in peace, Marylyn.
John Edward Kondrup, 93, longtime Rumson resident, former borough mechanic, U.S. Army World War II vet, driver for Rumson First Aid, member of Oceanic Hook & Ladder Co. #1, Sept. 18, 2014
Kondrup was known to always have a smile on his face and a great deal of pride in his vegetable garden.
Many have said that he was known to also ride his bicycle around town for many years, until he reached his 90s.
Rest in peace, John.
Photos/courtesy of families and Thompson Memorial and Days funeral homes.
John Kondrup
Photo/courtesy of Thompson Memorial Home
Jerome Koch
Memorial to Silvio Fabbri
Silvio Fabbri
Craig Bahrs
Nina DeSesa
Mary Welling
Mimi Hughes
By Elaine Van Develde
It seemed to happen an awful lot in 2014 — the death of people whose faces and lives we’ve grown accustomed to being woven into the fabric of Rumson-Fair Haven area life.
There were times it seemed that the fine people manning the Fair Haven Firehouse marquee couldn’t even keep up. It’s the place in the area where the news of loss is often spread.
In 2014 it seemed that there were all too frequent tiny gasps and self-mutterings of “Oh, no!” as a ride by the firehouse revealed yet another passing. It all seemed to echo as yet another familiar face flashed and a memory was evoked.
We said it in the memorial tribute to Mimi Hughes. We, at Rumson-Fair Haven Retrospect, are dedicated to remembering those who have passed.
Why? Because, as the line in the Rogers and Hammerstein musical Carousel put it, “As long as one person on Earth remembers you, it’s not over.”
Well, it’s not over for them or us. These people, in one way or another, contributed to life in the area and were part of our lives.
We honor them with a photo and a token of remembrance.
Take the journey with us …
George Giffin, 85, longtime RFH science teacher and dance instructor extraordinaire, May 15
This true area icon could get Attila the Hun to crack a smile.
The man, known for his true appreciation of dance, would pretty much break into a routine wherever he was.
This editor ran into him a couple of times in the recent past — at the Fair Haven centennial and Fairwinds Deli in Fair Haven.
He never forgot a face, either. He knew who I was from 30-something years past in high school when he taught me ballroom dance and I was abysmal.
I asked him then what advice he had for the many teens he taught to dance. He told me he still made appearances at RFH grads’ and their kids’ weddings to get them through the festivities with his special blend of dance instruction.
His motto, he said at the time: “When you get that beat, you gotta move your feet.”
Keep dancing, Mr. Giffin, and rest in peace when and if you take a break.
Pat Topfer, 77, Fair Haven, Oct. 26
Pat, also known in the past as Mrs. Cook, was a 52-year resident of Fair Haven and an 50-year Fair Haven Fire Department Ladies’ Auxiliary member.
She always had a great smile and zest for life. Her daughters, all RFH grads, inherited her beautiful face and smile.
She shared many a crumb cake and cup of coffee with this editor’s mom. Many years past my teens, she saw me at Marine Park in Red Bank. I was pregnant with my son. She gushed with joy and support and insisted upon snapping a picture of my friend and me. She made sure she got it to me. I still have it — that any many good memories of her friendly demeanor and smile.
Last I saw Pat, she was at the Fair Haven centennial celebration, gussied up in festive red, white and blue sparkles for the occasion.
She was more than happy to pose for my photo of her as a longtime, proud Fair Havenite.
Rest in Peace, Pat.
Lois Brett, formerly of Fair Haven, longtime teacher, Oct. 29
Lois Brett was a teacher in the Fair Haven School District for many years.
The daughter of Lester and Esther England, she graduated from Rumson-Fair Haven Regional High School. “She refused to limit her teaching to the classroom, but rather passed on her knowledge, wisdom, and joy of life, learning, love, and knitting to all those she knew however briefly,” according to her obituary.
Mrs. Brett was a friend of my mom’s. She was known for her kind nature and knack for making those Christmas cookies. There was nary a Christmas in our house without some of Lois Brett’s cookies.
Rest in peace, Lois Brett.
Mary Welling Hunnewell, 54, RFH graduate, Class of 1978, Oct. 17
Mary was a gymnast, equestrian, skier, and just all-around nice girl.
She grew up in Fair Haven and graduated from RFH. She had a soft voice, tiny stature and gentle demeanor.
As high school friend Devon Martin put it, “We shared many great times between Gillespie and DeNormandie…on my dad’s little sunfish…having to be rescued! Through middle school and high school. Gymnastics. She was a sweet, kind, generous and beautiful person. I am glad to have been her friend. She will truly be missed on this earth.”
Rest in peace, Mary.
Nina DeSesa, 88, formerly of Fair Haven, Nov. 23
Nina and her husband Michael raised their family, children Blaise and Stephanie, in Fair Haven.
Both were Rumson-Fair Haven Regional High School graduates. Stephanie died unexpectedly in 2011 at 50. In the interest of full disclosure, she was this editor’s best friend.
Nina, known lovingly as “the bull” to friends, was a force to be reckoned with when it came to her family and convictions. She was also pretty darn funny and astute.
She loved the opera, her husband and children more than anything in life.
Many saw Nina as quite a stern character, nonetheless fabulous cook, with a mission to play Bridge and MaJong. But, she was much more than that.
She had a great heart. This is my chance to say thank you to a woman who, though many times criticized me mercilessly, was always there for her daughter and me — front and center at both my parents’ funerals.
I have a few things to say to Nina:
Thank you for that artichoke pie, the best baby shower ever, the beautiful blanket you knitted for Cole, all the fabulous dinners and trips into the city to cool out-of-the-way restaurants, the scoldings, that Gilbert O’Sullivan sweater you knitted for Steph (that we fought over).
And, most of all, thank you, Nina, for moving to Fair Haven in 1967 and bringing Steph into my life. I hope you are together again. Oh, and … Step away from the stuffed stork!
Rest in peace, Nina DeSesa.
Silvio Fabbri, 59, owner of Fair Haven’s Umberto’s and friend to many, Nov. 26
Fabbri died very suddenly; and his death saddened a community very accustomed to hearing his anecdotes and knowing that he knew who they were, what was going on in their lives and what they liked to eat.
It could be months that Silvio didn’t see you, yet he’d remember everything about you when you walked in the door.
I got yelled at for not coming around enough, but he remembered my favorite special sub.
Rest in peace, Silvio, and “hanga loose.”
Fair Haven Councilman Jerome Koch, 63, Nov. 30
Jerome Koch died as the result of a tragic Nov. 29 bicycle accident on River Road in Fair Haven.
Koch was known for his sardonic wit and keen sense of humor while sitting on the dais of the Fair Haven Borough Council for nine years.
On Nov. 29, the councilman took what was described by Mayor Ben Lucarelli as his characteristic bike ride around town. The mayor, an avid cyclist, was out for a ride that day as well. He said that when he had passed Koch, he was doing his customary scouting for errant garbage and tidying up.
Not much longer after that, the councilman was hit by a car not too far from his home on River Road and flown to Jersey Shore Medical Center Trauma Unit. He remained in the hospital’s intensive care unit and, sadly, died the next day.
Rest in peace, Councilman Koch.
Mimi Hughes, 83, Rumson resident and 26-year RFH English teacher
Mimi Hughes, who taught English at RFH for 26 years and acted and sang in many a production in the area, died on Dec. 20 surrounded by her loving family.
This is a tough one for this editor. Mrs. Hughes and her family were like family.
John Kondrup, 93, 67-year Rumson resident, Rumson First Aid, Oceanic Fire Company and borough mechanic, Sept. 18
A World War II U.S. Army vet, Kondrup made Rumson his home for 67 years.
In addition to all of his volunteer service to Rumson, he was known for his bright smile, bike riding around town, and his prideful vegetable gardening.
“As long as there’s one person on Earth who remembers you, it isn’t over …”
It’s a line from the Rogers and Hammerstein musical Carousel that actor Mandy Patinkin recently recited on 60 Minutes to describehis faithful nightly ritual. Every single night, he remembers those in his life who have passed by naming them and reflecting on something memorable about them.
I believe, like Patinkin, that there’s an awful lot of truth to the words from the play. And I believe that we all need to pay attention to people who pass through our lives for one reason or another, perhaps altering our paths, and remember. Just remember.
All too often I hear from people, “I don’t remember.” Why not? If you care to remember, you will remember.
I care to remember. And I think that 26-year RFH English teacher, singer and actress, wife, mom and grandmother Mimi Hughes cared to remember. I think that, because when you remember people who passed through your life and passed the smallest to the most monumental elements of life onto you, you pass those things onto other people … and the cycle goes on.
You can see that she did this with her own family as well as with the many whose lives she touched in her own life’s journey.
I suppose I just can’t think of a more appropriate way to remember Mimi Hughes than through such words spoken in a musical, of all things. Words and music are much of what she was all about — what she left to me and many others.
And I suppose that she probably had no idea how she affected such a pivotal point in my life and likely many others’ in a similar way. That’s probably because being kind and generous of heart and talent just came so naturally to her — and with such grace.
But, I remember. She is remembered, from that opening act to curtain call, and then some.
Act I …
I remember that first day at RFH, heading to Mrs. Hughes’ English class. I remember seeing this teacher carrying a load of books down the hall and wondering if that was her — my teacher. You could tell that pile was pretty heavy, but she just seemed to float right through the hall with it.
I actually don’t know why I remember this one thing, but I do — the books were always carried in front of her, not slung on the hip or in a bag. Though, she did have a bag.
I remember thinking what a towering presence she had and that she seemed to exude an extraordinary elegance. Then this lady rounded the corner of the classroom to which I was assigned. Yes, she was my teacher. And I thought she was just so cool.
As she unloaded the books on her desk, I also remember thinking that she was just so beautiful and intelligent looking — piercing, focused, but friendly blue eyes; and thick, dark hair with flecks of grey. Sometimes her readers were perched on the tip of her nose, always with the chain attached. And I’m pretty sure she was wearing a strand of pearls around her neck.
She had the looks of a classic movie actress with that intellectual writer’s bent.
She introduced herself and very neatly scrolled her name on the chalkboard. I can still hear her voice — eloquent, with a delicate, deliberately cultured cadence.
From that point on, Mimi Hughes had become a part of my life.
I always wanted to do well in her class, because she was just so kind and encouraging. I never wanted to disappoint her. That sort of unwaveringly kind encouragement blended with the most succinct, somehow soothing, honesty was her special blend of motivation for success. She never seemed to discourage. I remember that.
I remember even taking my English homework to rehearsals for a, nonetheless, community theater production of Carousel.
I just had to impress her with my diligence, non-judgmental as she was.
Act II …
It wasn’t long after that when I discovered that Mrs. Hughes and her family were involved in theater, too. I was doing shows at The Barn Theater and helping out with ushering and running the concession stand; and there they were.
I remember hearing her soprano voice in many a show. OK, so I don’t remember exactly which ones. But I do remember that voice and seeing her on that strange stage — more like bleachers surrounding a bare spot with lights and scenery, which was fabulous.
By the time I was a junior in high school the Hugheses and I were friends. We had done shows together. We were a theater family of sorts.
And that, in an uncanny way, carried onto the stage.
Mark played my husband, the mayor, in Bye Bye Birdie. Poor guy. All I did was scream and faint and he repeatedly scooped me up, bellowing, in his very old-sounding high school voice, “Edna!”
We were all in Fiddler on the Roof together. Nan, with her superb singing talent, played my daughter. Paul was Perchik. Mark was in the chorus, and, I think, Patrick was probably doing a show at The Barn. But that was a stage that was just right down the street. He was the youngest and not yet in high school then.
I was referred to as “big sis” and I was thrilled with the inclusion in the Hughes family.
And there were many more moments on and off stage.
Mimi Hughes and her family continued to figure quite prominently in what, to me, was a very special, sentimental senior year at RFH.
And I remember. Vividly.
We hung out together, popped over to the Hughes house across the street in between rehearsals, where Mimi always welcomed us. We sang around the piano at cast parties and, yes, thought we had hit some criminal pinnacle as we painted that infamous bridge senior year.
There was even one trek, in particular, that I recall with particular fondness, into New York City. Mrs. Hughes drove and we all sang in the back of their Mercedes station wagon. We were on a jaunt to dinner at Asti, that true showfolk restaurant where opera was sung throughout the meal and diners were sometimes invited to join in.
They grabbed Nan from the table, dressed her in some sort of hooded shroud and she appeared minutes later as part of a makeshift chorus.
Oh, and the ride home … Yes, the singing continued, but so did that game of transposing license initials into some sort of title, name or bizarre sentence.
I remember seeing Mrs. Hughes’ hair and grasp on the wheel from the back seat as she gently reminded us and Mr. Hughes, who was also playing, to keep it all wholesome.
Nan even came to see me at college when she was getting set to graduate from RFH.
Curtain …
The connection with the Hughes family has remained. I remember; and am grateful. Just last year I met up with Paul, whose son was in an RFH show, and Patrick.
There were so many moments. So many that made milestones in my life much more meaningful because of my connection to Mimi Hughes and her family.
I do remember. I remember that by the time I graduated from high school, I had decided that I wanted to not only act, but write as well.
I thought it was a pretty cool combination, and Mrs. Hughes, to me, embodied the idea that I could do both in one way or another and be all that much more enriched to pay forward a love of family, theater and life and write about all of it and more.
Mimi Hughes’ memory, like the memory of so many we should remember, is a lesson.
That lesson is echoed in the song Try to Remember from the Fantasticks.
“Try to remember … and if you remember, then follow …”
Yes, follow.
Rest in peace, Mrs. Hughes. Thank you for bringing your family into my life and enriching it all the more. Though I think your son Paul remembers my mom more for having “tremendous milk” from the Acme (just as important, as it made my mom laugh for years), you are remembered. Your show isn’t over.
Mimi Hughes as pictured in the 1978 Rumson-Fair Haven Regional High School yearbook.
By Elaine Van Develde
It is with great sadness, yet gratitude for a treasure trove of great memories, that I dedicate our Retro Pic of the Day to the memory of longtime Rumson resident and former RFH English teacher Mimi Hughes, who passed away Saturday morning.
Mrs. Hughes is remembered as an exquisitely gentille, intelligent, strong and compassionate woman. While many knew her from her many years as an RFH teacher, she is also fondly recalled as a singer, actress, friend, wife, mom to RFH grads Mark, Paul, Nan and Patrick and beloved grandmother to her grandchildren.
“She had time to say goodbye to all of us, and she did it with shining grace and composure,” daughter Nan said in a Facebook post. “Her last night was filled with love, Christmas carols and family. Mimi was even singing along with her grandchildren … And as always, she has been a role model, showing us the best way to do this.”
There will be a memorial gathering 10 a.m. on Tuesday, followed by an 11 a.m. Mass at Nativity Church, Fair Haven.
With our Retro Pic of the Day, we ask that you take a moment to remember Mimi Hughes.
Rumson-Fair Haven Retrospect will be publishing an opinion piece on Monday in honor of Mrs. Hughes.
It was 14 years ago that I had the pleasure of being introduced to Craig Bahrs, a young narcotics police officer in Middletown who had just been paired with the department’s newest addition, K-9 Officer Jack, a blonde German shepherd with brown patches.
Chief John Pollinger brought me out to Bahrs’ K-9 vehicle that was just pulling up. I looked up on that sunny day and saw a bright smile emanating from the driver’s seat and a beautiful dog with the same demeanor. I got a respectful handshake and a smile from the young officer and a couple of generous licks and a paw from Jack.
In fact, the chief joked that Jack had such a friendly disposition, they were more afraid he’d lick suspects to death than attack — lest we forget that the two were quite serious about their jobs and quite good at them.
I conducted the interview and then we spent some time chatting, playing with Jack and then trying to get him to pose his handsome self for photos, each of us dangling treats and toys above him so that he’d perk up his ears and look his best.
It was the kind of assignment that makes a reporter’s day — and ends up making them love their career.
It didn’t take long to see that both the officer and his K-9 partner were not only among the finest of the boys in blue, but that this was the start of lasting, good a reporter-police relationship.
And it was. I was at Jack’s swearing-in. Yes, it was part of my job, but yet another good part.
And in covering Middletown for many years, I did many a story on Jack and Craig’s drug busts. Through the years, I was always happy to run into the two when I had to stop at the police station or town hall for one thing or another.
I came to know Craig better over the years as a reporter. He was a true gentleman and the kind of police officer anyone, much less a reporter, would hope to be the one answering their calls for help.
As often happens when reporters and officers are reassigned, you fall out of touch at times.
After a few years of no longer being assigned to covering Middletown and moving to other newspapers, I ended up being hired as editor of the Middletown Patch.
As one of my first responsibilities, I made the usual trek back to the police station to let everyone know I was back and where they could find me if there was news.
I went into the chief’s office to say hello to the longtime secretary there and another officer I had come to know well and respect over the years.
His office was next to Craig’s, which was empty that day. The door was open and I could see that story I had done all those years ago hanging on the wall. Not realizing how much time had passed, I asked how K-9 Jack was.
That was when I heard news that I didn’t want to hear on this happy reunion day. Jack had passed away and Craig was out of the office ill and battling cancer.
I saw Craig again a few times. He looked great and said he was feeling good. His smile never changed. You could always see and recognize it from a mile away. On the 10th anniversary of 9/11 was the last time I saw that smile. It was peering out from under his dress uniform hat, warming a sullen occasion with sincerity.
That smile and that one story 14 years ago had made my day. And, since then, the memory of that one person, whom I had the honor and pleasure of passing through my life, made it all that much better — even if for only the memory of a moment or a few.
As journalists, we see a lot of sadness and tragedy and have to write about it. We also see some amazing things. We live through and report on some rare, treasured moments. We also meet some very special people. Craig Bahrs was one of those people.
Rest easy, Craig. I am confident that there are so many more out there whose days you made better — even if only for a moment, or with one brief glance and smile.
You are remembered.
The following is a released statement from the Middletown Township Police Department:
With deep sorrow, the Middletown Township Police Department regrets to announce the passing of Deputy Chief of Police Craig A. Bahrs Jr. Badge #264.
Deputy Chief Bahrs passed away peacefully at home on Monday, Dec. 1, 2014 at the age of 45, following a courageous struggle with a lengthy illness.
Deputy Chief Bahrs was a lifelong resident of Middletown Township and a graduate of the Middletown High School North Class of 1987. He went on to earn a Bachelor’s Degree in Social Science from Widener University and a Master’s Degree in Human Resource Training and Development from Seton Hall University.
He joined the Middletown Police Department on February 1, 1996 and served with distinction and honor for more than 18 years. During his career, he served as a Patrolman, Police K-9 handler with his K-9 partner Jack, Patrol Sergeant, Patrol Lieutenant, Deputy Chief and Commander of the Uniform Services Bureau and in his final command as the Deputy Chief of Professional Standards and Training.
Deputy Chief Bahrs was recognized as Police Officer of the Year and earned numerous commendations, including the Distinguished Service Award. He was firmly committed to the pursuit of excellence in his personal and professional life. His leadership and steadfast dedication influenced many officers and left a lasting legacy with our agency.
The Middletown Township Police Department is deeply saddened by this loss and requests that anyone who wishes to join with us, is welcome to attend a memorial service to be held on Saturday, Dec. 13, 2014 at 9 a.m. at The Tower Hill First Presbyterian Church located at 255 Harding Road, in Red Bank, New Jersey, as we
gather to honor the memory of our lost brother.
The times and place have been set to honor and bid farewell to Fair Haven Borough Councilman Jerome A. Koch, Jr., who died on Sunday after sustaining fatal injuries from a Saturday afternoon bicycle accident in the borough.
On Wednesday, there will be a visitation at Church of the Nativity, 180 Ridge Rd., Fair Haven, from 5 to 8 p.m., according to information on the Thompson Memorial Home website.
A Mass of Christian burial will follow on Thursday at 11 a.m. at the church.
Koch, 63, who moved to Fair Haven in 1975, served on the governing body since 2006. He was retired from the family business, Karl Koch Erecting Company and served in the U.S. Army from 1973-77, according to his biography on the borough website.
He was also the council liaison to the borough’s Department of Public Works and Fair Haven Fields Natural Area.
Councilman Koch leaves behind his wife Betsy, a teacher at Knollwood School, Kristen, Kathryn (Katie) and son-in-law Erik Thorvilson, Jerome (Jake), Kerry and granddaughter Grace, the child of Katie and Erik.
Rumson-Fair Haven Retrospect will be writing a tribute/feature story about Councilman Koch. Anyone who would like to contribute information and/or quotes is invited to contact us at [email protected]
The news of the sudden death of Umberto’s Silvio Fabbri on Nov. 26 was met with an outpouring of sadness.
Fair Havenites have since mourned the man they knew as a friend to the community who never forgot a face, a name or a nugget of information about pretty much everyone who walked through the pizzeria’s doors.
On Friday night, the front of Umberto’s was adorned with flowers, cards, posters, candles and all sorts of tokens of appreciation and remembrance. As tradition holds true in the borough, there was a special farewell posted on the marquee at the Fair Haven Firehouse: “Rest in Peace Silvio … Hanga Loose.”
Inside, the place was bustling with mourners paying their respects to the family as Silvio’s son Anthony flipped dough and gave out pizza for free. It was his way of honoring his father while showing appreciation for the outpouring of love.
Below is a glimpse into one piece of Fair Haven’s sad goodbye to Silvio. Click on the photos to enlarge.
Silvio Fabbri
Memorial to Silvio Fabbri
The following is an edited version of Silvio Fabbri’s obituary from the Thompson Memorial Home website:
Silvio Fabbri, 59, of Shrewsbury, died Wednesday Nov. 26.
Born in Monte di Procida Italy, Silvio immigrated to the U.S. in 1976. He served in the Italian Navy on the Amerigo Vespucci, an Italian training ship.
From 1976 to 1984, Silvio worked in various pizzerias along the Jersey Shore honing his pizza making skills. In January of 1984, Silvio began working for Umberto’s Restaurant in Fair Haven.
He and his brother Michele purchased the business in 1991 and operated it along with his family until the time of his death. Silvio married his beloved wife MaryRose (nee) Katzer in 1987.
He was a avid soccer fan continually following his favorite team Internazionale from Milan. Silvio had a knack for creating his own poetry which always put a smile on people’s faces.
He also had a unique gift of remembering peoples last names and upon entering Umberto’s, that’s how many where welcomed. He was a kind generous man who gave to all who expressed the need. A special town event or a family or friend in need, Silvio was there and did so without wanting anything in return.
He loved the many friends he had made over the years at Umberto’s, and that love was reciprocated by all. One of his great joys was teaching children the art of pizza making.
During Superstorm Sandy, Silvio and Michele remained open without electricity and using only gas to ensure that the people of Fair Haven, and surrounding towns and all emergency personnel had a hot meal when it was needed.
Silvio was known as the unofficial welcoming committee to the newcomers of Fair Haven. Many have recognized him as the first person they met after moving to town. He was a devoted husband, father, brother and uncle to dozens of nieces and nephews.
Silvio was predeceased by loving parents, Antonio and Filomena Fabbri. He is survived by his wife MaryRose; his son Anthony and future daughter-in-law, Melanie DeFranco; his brother, Michele and his wife Lucia and his devoted nephew Tony.
Visitation will be held on Tuesday from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. at The Thompson Memorial Home, 310 Broad St., Red Bank. Mass of christian burial will be celebrated on Wednesday, 11 a.m. at The Church of The Nativity, Fair Haven. Burial will be private. Donations to Friends of Silvio, PO Box 8097, Red Bank , NJ 07701 are preferred.
Rumson-Fair Haven Retrospect will be posting a memorial tribute to Silvio.
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