Local Life

Retro Scary Santa Gag-n-Smile

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Gag me with a … Santa?

It’s not every kid whose Santa picture time involves trying to cram a fist down the throat mid-scream. It’s just (well, so far) little Emma Van Horn — ohhhh, so many years ago.

While it’s true that this Santa’s teeth are freakishly pearly white and he’s uncharacteristically toothy-grinned at the ol’ lap sitting post, it’s really nothing to gag over, Emma. Or is it?

Places, please! Hey, all scary Santa’s trying to do is keep her in her place for that picture perfect holiday moment — and a classic it became with one cram of the fist and screech. Her red bow hasn’t budged a bit through it all, though. Emma’s pretty scary Santa astute, really. She’s even trying to cover at least one ear — or pull it off — to shield herself from her own piercing terror.

Cheery Santa didn’t scare her brother, Drew. But, hey, there’s one miserable child on every Santa lap, right? And not only are Santa and little Emma’s brother unfazed by the screaming, fist-cramming, yet well-coiffed little tyke, they seem rather oddly content with the squirm-and- squeal going on.

Hey, they know their cue. Little Emma does not. And she couldn’t care less. Even the snowman is smiling over the clueless cues here.

Come on, though. Who’s the time-honored star in this holiday gem? The screaming, unbeknownst sidekick, of course. Kudos to the straight man brother here. Every scary Santa classic must have the proper sibling. It wouldn’t be quite as classic without it.

So, cheers to scary Santa times and keeping the bow on your unwrapped head!