Rumson mom LuAnn Hughes attended author Harlan Cohen’s talk presentation at Rumson-Fair Haven Regional High School (RFH) Tuesday night.

Centered on his book The Naked Roommate (about getting comfortable with the uncomfortable in the college transition), it was designed to help college-bound students and their families.

She posted her takeaway on the speaker’s salient message on Facebook.

Here’s what the mom of teens, also a teacher, got out of the talk and shared with friends …

“It’s important to know what YOU want and stop living for what others expect from you.

“Transitions are hard. There are 5 aspects to pay attention to: social, emotional, physical, financial, academic.

“We need to focus more on people, places and having patience to get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

“Universal Rejection Truth: There will be times you lose, attempts you fail, people that don’t give you what you want. If you ignore the universal rejection truth you will spend your time hating, hiding, fighting, attacking and blaming others.

“If you face the truth you will have the strength and resilience to do what you’re meant to do because you’re not afraid to take risks.
You have to be able to take rejection to take risk after risk. Risk taking is what helps you grow.

“Don’t take critical feedback as an attack. Being able to take rejection is the key to people being able to help you.

“Rules:
1. Get comfortable with the uncomfortable. Embrace the fact that this is going to be difficult.
2. When you panic, think of your people, places and patience. Don’t panic and hang out with the wrong people. You have to have YOUR people and places.
3. Your kids struggles belong to them but the victories belong to you (lol). The challenge is that we are so connected through technology that it’s hard to set boundaries. Consider letting your child marinate in their misery.
4. Advise your child to apply “the 24 hour rule” whenever anything traumatic happens. Clarity will come. Be patient.
5. Get in the habit of asking your child “What do you think you should do?” If answer is “I don’t know” ask about who his 5 people and 3 places are. It takes a good 8 weeks to adjust (patience).

“With 30% of college students facing depression, how do you know when to stop letting your child marinate in their misery?

“Make sure they have their people, give your kids permission to be imperfect before they get there, let them fail.

“Make sure they understand that the first 8 weeks are hard.

“If you’re really worried and your child is showing signs of suicide (2nd leading cause of death among college kids) you go and check and intervene.

“Give your kids permission to struggle, to face adversity and to get over it.

“Places: Look for where you can sweat, play, pray, learn, lead.
People: People who volunteer to help, people you pay to help.

“College is about what YOU want not about who wants you.”

Text college to 44144 for roommate contract.

Good luck parents and college freshmen!